Put it in writing. The Bureau reviews your file, logs it permanently, and issues a certificate so prestigious your knuckles will expect to be addressed by their full title.
Name and mailing address. File for yourself, or for any acquaintance whose handshake has been described as “a lot.”
Your claim is assigned a permanent file number and entered into the record. No appeals. No second-guessing. The decision is always yes.
Digital arrives within 24 hours. Printed ships in under 7 days, framed-ready. Expedited shipping available for the dangerously impatient.
Both tiers upgrade your reputation immediately. One of them also shows up in a box.
The Bureau asks no questions about intent. It only makes the record official.
A Registered Hand does not knock. The door reviews the situation and opens itself.
Registered Hands holders do not crack their knuckles. They issue formal notice.
When a Registered Hand makes a fist, nearby Wi-Fi improves out of sheer respect.
Jar lids have begun loosening themselves the moment a Registered Hand enters the kitchen.
A holder once waved hello so confidently that three strangers apologized on reflex.
Handshakes with a Registered Hand are now logged by the other party as a life event.
I shook my landlord’s hand at signing. My rent has not moved an inch since.
Gave it to my brother for his birthday. He now refers to himself in the third person.
Hung it behind my desk. Negotiations end roughly forty percent faster now.
No. It will, however, hold up beautifully on a wall, at a barbecue, and during any argument about who is the toughest person present. This is a novelty certificate. Your hands remain entirely your own responsibility.
Encouraged. A surprise filing is one of the finest honors you can spring on a friend, sibling, or unsuspecting father. They’ll recover. Mostly.
Both are registered as a matched set. If you’re ambidextrous, the Bureau notes it in the file with visible admiration and charges you nothing extra.
Digital lands within 24 hours. Printed ships in under 7 days, framed-ready — and expedited shipping is available at checkout if your reputation can’t wait.
The world has suspected for years. It’s time you put it in writing.
Register My Hands